you thought i was joking

but seriously, in the absence of any ability to provide myself with romantic interludes i have embraced the role of wingwich (that’s wingman + blandwich, guys!).

what this means is that IF YOU TELL ME A SECRET ABOUT LOVE, i will blab it and make a connection happen.

or if you tell me you have no crushes, i will pull out my rolodex and find a perfect person for you anyhow. example:

pal: that’s a good call

11:12 PMi need something going on
me: i’ll check out this guy i met last week
new student at [school]
urban planner
straight for sure
this weekend
pal: nice
those are all good things
me: he keeps an immaculate apartment
pal: swarthy?
11:13 PM me: he is the one with the [redacted neighborhood] apt i looked at
kind of indieish
like west coast indie
boulder not LA
pal: outdoorsy?
me: yes, outdoorsy but probably loves stephen malkmus
pal: i don’t do “couples jogging”
me: sensitive
but not active
rides a bike to work, but probably not a hiker
11:14 PM i’m making a lot of assumptions here
pal: hmmm, can he [redacted]? that’s top of my list
me: i’ll find out when i get him drunk on sunday night
we have a keg
i love love, you guys.  it’s a new thing.  i don’t know.

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